Sudden consciousness….. 

19 July 20k15

Ahh….hi I know you aren’t my kitty but one of its kind. I am writing to you just because I want to divert my mind from that killing pain in my back. I am in ICU intensive care unit. I think I am asleep for long time maybe more than two days. I have no idea of time I even don’t know whether its day or night. There is even difficulty in writing in dim light. More than light, my hands are numb and I am unable to hold the pen in between my fingers. My hands with lots of needles seems heavier and this oxygen tube is tickling my nostrils. My hands are cold maybe due to Air conditioner but I am feeling weak. Even I can’t see my mom or any other sick people. Some machines are beeping at regular intervals and that blood pressure measuring instrument sphygmomanometer is attached to my upper arm making my hand more impotent to move.  Maybe I am looking worst with saliva on my cheek. My lips are parched. My hairs maybe like a nest of early bird. My head is hurting and I am feeling dizzy as I am sitting. Some nurses attended me after I gained my consciousness, I was even unable to grin at them. I want to meet my mom but they won’t allowed. 

But everything is not bad here. In front me little far from my bed on a chair with some files a young doctor is sitting. His white skin is sparkling in dim light. His frame less glass is adding to his personality . His white coat suits him. He is young. May be doctor for intern. I can say I have crush on him. Sometimes he looks at me and I try to smile at him but my oxygen tube doesn’t make it possible for him to see my smile. 

I am tired of this drips running through my veins. It is painful. I am feeling isolated from the world like I don’t know anything about it not even whats the time. The room is with no window so that I can see sun or moon or even stars, tree or flowers, birds or those night flies. I want to meet my mom and hug her. Ask her about my favorite tv series. Call Shivani and Anshika. Nothing is exciting here, sometimes I take out the oxygen tube and breath for a change. But I fear nurses giving me more injection so I don’t do frequently. I am feeling life less….. 

But I know my doctor is gonna scold me for using her prescription paper for writing. Actually I am waiting to get rid of all these blunders. Go out and sit on beach and view those waves touching seashore. Make my hair and put so much of Vaseline on my lips wear my new pair of jeans and tees. Argue with my brother for phone and ask papa for ice cream. But, I have to sit here until someone call my mom. I am feeling sleepy talk you later.


                                 Yours loving                                               Roli…………… 

Actually today just going through my diary I found this page. I don’t know I am doing right to post it or not but I don’t wanna rue about later. Writing has always been successful in lessening my pain. I didn’t know what to do that  time. No one was around me except some nurses and that cute doctor but I want my mom to hold my hands. It wasn’t possible as visiting time had passed. I am glad that I captured that moment on paper so that it can remind me that how to fight pain. How you feel isolated and how your hormones always works when your eyes see cute people.I didn’t had my diary along with me so I wrote in my file papers for which I was later scold by my doctor and it was fun when she got messed up with all odd papers.  I have copied ditto from my diary to share with you all…. 

Thanks for reading. Hope you like it. 


43 Replies to “Sudden consciousness….. ”

      1. Ha ha “जिया हो बिहार के लाला” we belong to a place who gave rashtrakavi ramdhari singh dinkar and renowned novelist phanishwar hath renu . So writing and literature has something which is deeply embedded in us bihari. And for my luck my nanihal is in Forbesganj karmabhoomi of renu, and the tilkamanjhi Bhagalpur university where I also studied , dinkar has also been associated there .

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Actually phanishwar nath renu “मैला आँचल” is considered the second of its category after munsi premchands “गोदान”. Famous hindi movie “तीसरी कसम” is based on this novel. Just Wikipedia it.,😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If I were at your place I would never had thought of writing about it in fact I would never had remembered that time which makes me feel weak.

    But you changed my perspective.

    There are many things positive in something negetive.


    1. Its not like that writing I done for diverting my pain. I don’t want to groan and create blunder there. But you know actually now I feel that I was stupid to write those ICU incidents 😂😂😂… But At same time I am fond of being stupid….


  3. Well, when we are in pain with loneliness, the only thing that helps us to keep us positive is our mind. And it depends on how we think how we taking all these things. Looking for positivity is a great thing and I always doing this.
    😂And it’s great to know about you that you domicile of Bihar, me too domicile of Bihar but living in Delhi.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I’ve read your post. As I told in the above comment, what you did, you first put your mind in the positive mode then as writing is your passion you put all things you had seen. And yes also about you the cute young doctor. 😋😁

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hehehe that doctor still I admire him… He is not only cute but handsome as hell… Unfortunately one fine morning he pulled my cheeks and said you are just like my younger sister… My heart was broken that time 😂😂😥

        Liked by 1 person

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