My Scars…….

“Arya are you ready.” My mom asked me. Ohh sorry I am Arya and I am of just 19. And today boy and his family are coming to see me moreover examine me before marriage,yeah I know its too early and I am too young to marry. But I am not a normal girl so that I can study freely and achive my ambition marry a boy of my choice. Its just impossible for me .umm… because I am raped. And yes, no one will marry me if I said my future groom that I was raped,though I have done no mistake but have to suffer in my life. I tell you life changes after you are sexualy abbused. My life have became worst at my home and after that dreadful incidence my outside world have ended. My life is hell now and it will become more worse after marriage when my husband will know that her wife is not virgin. Though my virginity is loss by sin,but then too my parents want to push me in hell.  And I can’t protest because I have no right to say. Just see my only mistake was attending extra classes and my life became hell and the devil who did this to me is enjoying his victory in making girl small. Every night I see him in the dearm having wicked smile on his ugly face. I still sense his bad touch on my thighs,I still see his lips coming closer to mine whenever I close my eyes. Still my breasts pain due to his inhuman behaviour. 

But no one cares about me and they don’t give damn in punishing that demon because it was mine mistake of wearing skirt that day. Anyway how could he control his urge for touching me,mens never do mistake that what society thinks..that what my parents think..its we girls who are whore. I want to scream and make the world know that I was raped ,I was raped by that guy. I don’t want to be silent cryer. I don’t want  to marry anyone by telling lie or hiding the truth. I don’t want to hide my scars . I want to live my life again. 

“Listen you do heavy make-up and use more concealer to hide this nail scratch over your neck,and why these half slevees wear full sleevs otherwise your lashed hands will be visible.”my mom instructed me to hide my scars. 

“But my life have got big scar maa. How should I hide that?” I asked her ..I asked her because I too want the answer. I was raped just  2 weeks ago and today my marriage will be fixed. No one cares for my life but everyone is busy hiding these temporary body scars ..

“Just don’t make any bullshit there. Because of you already we have suffered.” My mom answered. But is this was answer to my question? They are also unaware of my answer. And yeah,I have made them suffer by being raped so they may be taking revenge by making my life worst. 

“But Maa…”I tried to speak to her but she left by waving her hands in disgrace. Again she left me alone with my wound and suffering. 

I miss you…..

I miss you….

Every song in my playlist reminds me of you.

Every lyrics resembles the moment we share…

I have urge to shut down my memory…

I have urge that I forget you completely…

I don’t want to cry for you ..

Nor I want to be depressed because you left me….

I don’t want to pray for your safety…

I don’t want to tab you and stalk you anymore…

I am tired of trying.. Trying millions of times….

No more I want to search for you on face book …

I don’t want to see your dp and status…

I don’t want my life to bother because of you…

I want to stop my self from thinking about you….

And kill everything that reminds me of you…………

I don’t need you,  I don’t want you …..but I still miss you :(:(

Nope we are best friends!!!

I couldn’t find him in class room.”where the hell is he wondering?” I taught to myself. My heart have always sank whenever I didnt see him on his place sitting with his book and mugging up. But today he was not there. His bench was empty and I felt everything was missing in class. I want him desperately to tell about my new dress and shoes which I have bought last night. I know it was  bore for him to listen about the latest trends in girls fashion but he never showed it to me and even I didn’t mind to share with him all those craps. 

No no don’t misunderstand like others that we are in relationship and he is my obidient boyfriend. He will be  more special to me than any boyfriend if I ever have. I am talking about my best friend Vishal, but let me clarify he is my secret bestfriend, because in Indian culture a matured and young guy and girl cannot be even “Just friends” so leave about “bestfriend”. I loved him and he was only genuine friend I have. We were together since grade 1 and still together in our first year of graduation we haven’t been separated. Our closeness led to various fake a roumers of our relationship so we decided to stay apart infront of this world. That what we would do to save our friendship. 

We were partners in crime,he have never done booze party without me, we studied together,help eachother in examination,talk about our crushes, make jokes on ugly people around us, we used to share everything from chocolate cake to every secret. I was comfortable talking to him about anything from menstruation to masturbation. I never felt ashamed of him. He is the best buddy you can have. But now he was missing and lecture would start in 5 minutes. 

Yup, I told best buddy because if any boy protects your first menses stains from being a public talks then obviously best would be small word to describe his integrity. It was 6 years back I and Vishal were in grade 7 it was Saturday and we had white uniforms I was dressed in my uniform which have white skirt and shirt. All was good till fourth lecture and there was no any symptoms of my first menses. Actually the first menses  always are surprise visit moreover it is a shock that we no longer are young girls and have to face this messy bleeding every months till menopause. Our fifth lecture was physical training in which we mostly used to play different sports and Vishal loved this lecture as he can freely stop mugging. Bell rang and teacher who was taking fourth lecture left the class,I was extremely excited  to play basketball with Vishal, and yeah in rainy season the fun is at different level on basketball court. I stood up from my place to go as everyone in the class had formed the queue and were ready to board. 

“Hey, Vishu lets move don’t you want to go for P.T?”I asked him and tried to pull his hand.

“I think we should stay in class.” He replied to my over excitement by frowning. 

“What!!But why?” I was bblown by his sudden disapproval of not attending P.T lecture. “Impossible,huh Vishal declining for P.T ” I taught to myself my mouth still open in shock. 

“Will you stop questioning me ?and please sit down,please.” This time it was louder than before and I obeyed like docile sheep. I sat on my place and kept my mouth shut. I was just staring at him quietly ,he looked tense “something is bothering him,his new crush?” I was just thinking about what he was concerned . Soon everyone from class left and he spoke. 

“You are not normal.”                                            “What? Excuse me you are abnormal today refusing to go to P.T ,its just next to impossible you know” I replied but unaware about his concern.                                                “You know you have something red spots on your skirt which look like bloood.” Finally he spoke about what was bothering him.       “What? Really!” This was second time I was blown away by him . I stood up and with partially movable back and neck I saw that 3 red spots on my skeeming white skirt. “Have you spread ketchup on my place Vishal?” I was now screaming by this trauma . “No ketchup,I haven’t bought ketchup its blood.”     “I will die.” I hold my tears and said to Vishal. “Are you nuts?” He snapped me back “you go in washroom and check it would be better,and whetever it would be we have treatment for everything.” He consoled me and I moved towards the washroom. 

I returned within 10 minutes to the class. He was moving to and fro in class and he was actually tensed. “What it is? I mean blood from where ..” He asked but I cut him in middle and spoke”I think its mensuration remember we learn in reproduction chapter.” I tried to be normal as it appeared normal in book,but this first mensuration had given me trauma about bleeding in every month. “Oh!! Yeah is it?” “Hmm its bleeding from birth canal.” I felt awkward saying Vagina. 

“Its your first time ,right?” He asked mostly smiling.                                                                   “Yep”my voice much lower then before.          “Congratulations for being woman.”he shook my hand after saying this                        ” woman! Am I now woman? ”                          “Yeah,just be chill.and celebrate your first day of being woman.”he almost hugged me . I didn’t understand what was going on here my vagina had constant blood flow with some clots and my best friend is telling to celebrate for first day of womanhood ,”but he knows biology better than me,.” I reminded my self as his dad was a doctor. 

“But stains?” I asked in innnocently by making my face like a baby                                “I am there I will protect it.”he said and grinned at me . He walked behind me after that whole day in way that my skirt was not visible to anyone. 

So again what do you want from any of your friends more to do? He is always there in my destitution and cared for me. But now I don’t know where he is. 

“Hey,did you see Vishal arround?” I asked one of my classmate.                                            “Umm. Vishal your boyfriend right I have seen him nowhere.”he replied                           “Nope we are bestfriend.”             

      

Filthy Emotions…..

I  feel  one should not love the one who cannot love you back. The emotions in us creates a mess. Everyone in this world is bond of emotions. This emotions hurts , then make us cry and eventually loose hope. Why the emotions differ from person to person? Why you and me have different emotions? Some are happy to have me but I  am shameful that I have them. To the person I love the most the same person hates me the most. It is never the same that what we feel for the one person he also feel in same way. 

These all emotions are results of silly hormones. Here also we are controlled by nature. Here also we don’t have anything in our hands. Then why the hell are we existing???. Just to act like a puppet. 

Due to emotions we are tied up together. But what if it changes? It’s nothing in our hand. Emotions makes us good humans but at a same time some bad emotions makes us worst creatures on this planet. Emotion of hatred have taken lives of billions of people. while emotion of love have saved many lives. We homosapians work on our emotions before our circulatory system. Mother can die for her children just in flow of emotions. A boy can change his emotions for his parents for a girl. 

People make us emotional fool why because we are drawn easily towards feelings. Emotions have created confusion to man kind since ages. In Ramayan too lord Rama left his kingdom in sake of emotions. Which led to great war.  This was mythological but in reality the world war 2 was the result of emotion of hatred for each other.I think all the choas in human society are the results of emotions . So what if we were robots ???

Are we Actually Free?

Hii!!! I am not able to sleep not because I am dreaming of some handsome guy but a question that “Are we actually free?” Is troubling me. We can’t live with our own consent,yes if we try we can but we fear to live. We have fear of rejection from the society. As an illustration I want to explain one simple situation as an Indian Girl I mostly find myself and my friends in this. ….Suppose if you dress up in proper ethnic salwar kameez which covers your entire body and go to hang out with friends then for sure you have to hear a big compliment of being “behen ji”  it’s Indian slang to describe a woman with old fashioned. And on contrary if you wore hot pants or shorts with sleeveless tops then your parents won’t be happy with you. Sometimes they will even won’t allow you to go out in those modern dresses as you will increase the level of testetron of boys on Street. See,  you can’t even wear the dress of your choice. Then how can we call us free. 

I think we are trapped in the cage of society. We are trapped in the other’s opinion. We all are familiar with saying “Laughing is the best medicine” but again we are familiar with if you laugh without reason you need medicine. I have to question this that does laughing actually needs any reason. Is there should be any rules to laugh or is it necessary that you should be judged on everything you do?  If we study too much we are nerd ” a boring person” if we don’t study then we are aimless people. Everywhere we are judged. If we hate any person then too we can’t offend us from talking with them because it’s generosity but in reality it’s mental torture which we do to ourselves. 

So are we really free or we are still trapped in imaginary cage of society???

“WE WILL MAKE IT.”

Hii!!! Friends this the simple but complicated love story of Indian teens SIDDHI AND AARAV. Who are madly in love with eachother​. They both have completely different prospective in life but we all are familiar with law of nature that”opposite attract” this what happened with them. And soon became inseparable.

My first writing in public platform.please give your views

                  SIDDHI SHARMA:-)

First day I met you , you soothed me;

You calmed me down when I was at haste;

You held me like a cardle does to baby;

You were there through my thick and thins;

You held me tighter in my hardships;

You accepted my flaws with no complains;

You loved me without any conditions and gave me conditions to grow;

I can’t imagine a single day without you;”

Hey!! Remember I told you “we will make it.”

               AARAV CHAUDHARY:-)

“You are my world

My beginning,my end;

You are my family

My mother,my dad;

You are my God

My worship,my faith;

You are my happiness

My smile,my madness;

You are my poetry

My phrases,my words;

You are my love

My life,my girl;”

Yes I believed you “we will make it”

             



                          Prologue

                                        20 December 2016

Hii!!! Kitti everyone is very hectic and all things appeared to be in choas. But I see my life is all set,universe would be also the small term to describe my happiness. He he I know I m using exaggeration but it’s necessary kitti. Me and Aarav will get  tied in bond in next 12 hours. A bond of marriage world will accept our relationship and offically I can have sex with him. No kitty it’s not only for sex but I can live with that cute idiot 24/7 under same roof. 

I can’t explain how happy I am. It just started from friendship and now we are getting married. It is just like a dream for me . I am pinching​ every now and then to make me realise that it is actually ki happening to me.  Ohh someone is on the door …so bye kitti will meet you after turning from miss to mrs  🙂 🙂 

                                     Your loving                                                          Siddhi …….


                                    # CHAPTER-1#

                          ……..AND HERE WE MET

            

                         * Siddhi Sharma*

Almost 8 years back on 20th June. 2008, suddenly alarm rang and my world of dreams came to an end. “Oh! God it’s 6 A.M”, I yawned and reminded myself. I woke up with great jerk forcing my body to come out of rest. I sat on the bed thinking deeply about today’s day at my school. It was not at all an ordinary day for me. As elections for school representative were going to be held and I was going to compete in those elections. It was the moment of prestige  as only few students get chance to stand in school elections and luckily I was eligible for it. 

             For me it was once in life time opportunity and I didn’t want to miss it at any cost. After a while I heard my mom yelling and this led to full stop to my chain of taughts. I got up quickly from my bed and rushed towards the washroom for brush. 

While I was brushing my mom came to bathroom to enquire about my bag is packed or not. She always used to enquire with strain on her face like police examining the criminals. Brush in my mouth and my mouth full of toothpaste foam I could not answer properly but then too I tried ” yesh Aai did.” I replied her but my words were not clear but clear enough to understand.

“I have made puris  and fried potatoes,so before taking bath have breakfast ,it taste better when served hot.”she said, moreover she informed and by her expression it was clear that she expected me to follow.

“Yep,thanks for the favourite breakfast Mumma.”I spit out the foam and agreed to follow her instruction. She didn’t replied I think she was busy in frying puri. I continued brushing and my thinking process switched on.                                  “My day is already good,after all my mom made  400 calories breakfast just because it’s my favourite and my elections,huh I know I will win after all I am famous in school .” I boasted in taughts and winning the election bought a smile on my face. After rinsing my mouth I directly landed on dining table and there I saw my younger brother  Rahul was already having his puris and potatoes.”yum,looks tasty” I taught by salivating. But after staring for 6 seconds on puris my eyes felt on 12 year boy My brother Rahul. He is 2 years younger than me. In those time we hardly used to talk about anything peacefully. Our every talk gets converted into argument it may be because of middle teen age period or insecurity like something. I never communicated with him directly just because to avoid my vocal cords to turn in loud-speaker. 

I took my sit on chair just opposite to him. He was looking at his plate and eating in hurry without chewing each morsel properly. I think he just swallow his every bite and leaves the work of all of digestion on Hydrochloric acid in stomach. He just glanced at me once by his eyes,neck still down on plate,but I didn’t react as I too have my ego. Just waited for my share of puris.

“So today elections,will you make it or not?”Rahul broke the awkward silence. But I stared at him as he was having wicked smile and it showed that he strongly belived  that I won’t make it. Anyways it was not new for me he have always questioned my ability and jest my failures.  “Let’s see” I answered his taunt . I don’t want argue with him in early morning and spoile my  mood. Even  it would not sound better that dining table in Sharma family turned to argument table. Just after this small gesture of argument my mom served me with three puris and fried potatoes and asked if I want more but I clearly denied. It’s true I like fatty things but I hate being fat. 

After completing my breakfast,I rushed towards the bathroom  for bath it was already 6:45 and I would be late if I waste my another minute. 

My bathroom was most beautiful of all. It had blue tiles which gave transparent water a blue colour. The tiles on the walls have barbies print it was designed in way of Cinderella animated movie. I liked spending hours in it. On one wall it had three glass shelves on which I have kept numbers of face washes and soaps and just side of it was a big silver ring on which I hung my towel. As there was shortage of time so that day I didn’t play with water. I grabbed a face wash which protects skin from tanning and I actually need it that day due to elections I have to be out for long time. I opened the nozel and squeezed the tube the semi liquid white substance Fe on my palm and I went and stood near the mirror. My eyes fell of my clear image in  mirror, I must say I indeed look beautiful in morning that too without any external things which make you look attractive -called make up. It was perfect morning face, eye lids were little swollen and the white cornea of eyes had reddish shade. Hmm. Eyes are beautiful most people have complimented me that my eyes were the most beautiful in me and it can drive anyone  crazy. This craziness thing was told by a boy in my class who had crush on me.  He said for creating impression, but he was not my type. It was big as the size of almond, bulging towards the centre and  getting narrow towards the periphery. Moreover I feel that it represents the convex lenses which we used to draw in physics while learning refraction. Eye lashes were in perfect shape as painted by an artist. I had perfectly oval shape and a bit of chubby cheeks. I get dimples when I used to smile on my edges of lips. And my pink lips had increased my beauty to many folds. I had straight,black and shiny hairs and just 4 inches longer than the shoulders.

“Pretty, I look pretty and my husband would be luckiest to have me.” I taught and yeah it’s quite interesting that a 9th grade girl thinking how lucky would be her husband. “Am I so girly?” This created again a confusion . We teens always stay in confusion we actually don’t have clarity.  After admiring my beauty which was actually a waste of time but teens usually do in bathroom I rinsed my face and washed my body. After a little quick bath due to shortage of time I wrapped my body in towel and steped​ in my room.